Today, we’re looking at a big-picture way you can structure your life to help you find a happy, exciting, fulfilling love life as a person with autism - picking a place to live & date that is a good fit for what you desire & what you offer.

This is what I call “Geography Rizz“ - It might seem extreme to move cities or change jobs to live somewhere that’s better for dating… But after experiencing 3-4 cities firsthand, it makes a lot of sense to me!

Where You Live Matters For Dating 🌎

Some of you know I taught myself how to build software, then started a career doing just that for clients & employers. It has been lucrative & enjoyable work that has prompted me to relocate thrice - first to San Diego, CA, then Austin, TX, then to Manhattan in New York City.

Each of those cities was “fine” at worst and incredible at best - and I’m grateful to have had the chance to live in them.

As I look back, though… The real win wasn’t the places I moved for work - it’s the place I didn’t… The San Francisco Bay Area.

You might know that the bleeding heart of the US technology industry is in Northern California - and I interviewed for various roles in the area at different times.

Essentially every tech giant from Google to Facebook to Apple (& more!) has a big presence there - and that tends to make dating insanely difficult for men.

Why would that be? Well, you’ve heard of supply & demand, right?

The City of San Jose, CA has around 1.2 men for every woman in the 22-34 age range where people are most likely to be actively dating. This is a huge deal.

Tech jobs bring more men there than women, and the consequences can be frustrating - particularly those men lower on the totem pole.

That gender imbalance magnifies any shortcomings a guy might have - and the immense wealth being created & earned by your male peers in the tech industry can make it incredibly hard to find love or (frankly) s*x.

San Diego has a huge navy presence that skews the gender ratios even worse - and dating in Los Angeles … well, I’ll let you look into why that sucks yourself.

Dating seemed nearly impossible while I was in California, and I assumed it was entirely my fault. I was wrong. Some of my challenges were because of me, for sure - but not all of them! By living in California, I was playing life on hard mode.

That became obvious when I moved to Manhattan. New York City was an entirely different world - my dating apps started “working as promised”, girls would give me a chance when I hit on them at bars… you get the idea.

The biggest factor, as far as I could tell? There just weren’t many men to go around! Manhattan’s local economy incorporates a lot of fashion designers, marketers, and other fields packed with women - and that makes a big difference!

I never quite dated models, but I’ll let you infer what I did do with a few of them - including on my first night post-move.

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