The Autistic Crisis - Christmas, 1776

On December 19th, 1776 - 248 years ago - American revolutionary Thomas Paine published the first section of “The American Crisis”, a series of pamphlets written for the American people on behalf of the Patriot cause. His appeal begins with the famous words: “These are the times that try men’s souls.”

And that they were. The American Revolution was on the verge of defeat. Washington’s Army shivered in the freezing cold of their camp at Valley Forge following defeat in the Battle of Long Island.

Desertion was common, and even those who stayed to fight were cold, hungry, & demoralized. The challenges & doubts they faced are hard to even imagine.

I don’t know what it’s like to be a soldier facing long odds of survival, but I know what it’s like to be in a fight for my life. Autism is hard. It’s harder when you’re 15 years old.

I made multiple … attempts - some more serious than others - when I was a teenager. It’s why my parents made the impossible choice to send me away for residential therapy & treatment. They couldn’t bear the thought of waking up to my dead body.

There were many reasons my darkest days were so bleak - clashes with my dad, social rejection from everyone my age, tremendous struggles with school, & being terminally online - but there was one challenge that outweighed the rest.

I was hopeless - in the most literal sense. I saw no path forward to achieving happiness, success, or peace in my life. In my mind, my future was just a question of whether I’d kill myself at fifteen years old, twenty-five, or thirty.

I assumed that society had discarded me because I was permanently & totally defective.

I had nobody to look up to or emulate who had faced the struggles I was experiencing.

I didn’t know that people like me could live a worthwhile life or do great things.

It took nearly a decade of misery, but things got easier. My life started to improve. I found meaning, love, & joy that I never dared dream of.

That’s why I write & make videos. I’m an imperfect man spreading an imperfect message, but I know how impactful it would have been back then to know that life can be okay for our kind - that things can get easier - that I could get better.